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Management
techniques
If you have some time on your hands or you've been
planning that second career as 'Evil Overlord' you may have asked yourself, 'why
have so many evil world domination plans failed'. As the implementation and
administrating of 'evil plans' may lead to an oversight of the
fundamental basics you may want to review the pitfalls of the
other 'Evil Overlords' and learn from their mistakes.
A few tips of the trade can help you with the morale
of your 'Legion Of Terror' or how to better deal with those
meddling do-gooder hero types who come to upset your hard earned years
of subjugating the masses. Now at http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
you can take advantage of the experience of your fellow 'Evil
Overlords'.
Sample tips:
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you
look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of
Generation X.
I will dress in bright cheery colors, and so throw my
enemies into confusion.
I won't require high ranking female members of my
organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more
casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be
reserved for formal occasions.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original
uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make
them look like Nazi Stormtroopers, Roman footsoliders or savage Mongol hordes.
All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive
mind-set.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic
marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will
be used for target practice.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards
and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will
surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic
relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be
replaced with surly, world-weary waitress who will provide no unexpected
reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct
walkways above them.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum --
a small hotel room outside my borders will work just as well.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and
surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandon
tunnels that I might not know about.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl
through.
My main computer will have their own operating system that
will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh
powerbooks.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky
time-travel devices.
Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a
mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet
access.
To learn more about how to make your evil world domination
plans a success, go to
If you would like to respond with any
comments, updates, announcements, blurbs, quips, jibs, exhortations or advice,
you can contact,